I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
