I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
