i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
