just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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