Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
