If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
