Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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