She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
