Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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