i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
