I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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