I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize