This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
