I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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