Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
