why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
