in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
