I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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