it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
