How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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