girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
