her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
