The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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