listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Randomize
