dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize