You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
