Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize