Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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