I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I looked at my own cervix.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
