the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
