dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
