Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
