You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
