the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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