there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
