why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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