you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
