After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
