Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize