BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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