I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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