Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Im part way to drunk.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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