Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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