I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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