Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
home. puking in laundry basket.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
