I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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