this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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