My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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