I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
