My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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