so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
What a fucking waste of an outfit
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
this hospital has no fireball
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
