I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
They are going to name an STD after you.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
