i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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