I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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