I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
