...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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