I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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