Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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