i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize