Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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