i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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