I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
