She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
