god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
