I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
