wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
