I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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