I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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