Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
