She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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