All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
