Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
