who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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