This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
