I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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