I want to make a zoo with you.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
