How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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