I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
