You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
