So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
