LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
