thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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