The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize