so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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