ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
