We should be called the Road Head Warriors
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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