Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
