She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
soo... how was my night?
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