literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
