Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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