it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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