no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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