i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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