did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
