my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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