Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
