i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize