gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
