ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
