My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
